Very rarely heard of or taken seriously but abuse in same-sex relationships does indeed exist and is equally traumatic too.
This is the true story of one such girl who has fortunately, now recovered from the shock and trauma of the abuse but wants to let her story be known to the rest of the world in order to help as many LGBT+ people as possible.
Sarah (pseudonym) was an innocent, naïve Asian Muslim girl, who had just discovered her sexuality as a lesbian. Her family, as expected, was shocked, ‘devastated’ and dead against accepting her as she was. Shockingly, it was her mother that reigned abuses at her and even resorted to honour-abuse, all in the name of family name and ‘righting’ her daughter who had been ‘led astray by the devil’. The living situation for Sarah was getting stressful and claustrophobic at home.
Faced with an abusive and unaccepting family, she found her very first partner through a mobile app. For a moment there, she thought she was in heaven having found a partner who knew her, understood her and would always stand by her. But boy! Was she mistaken? Without her knowing it then, she had just entered what would be another abusive, traumatizing and depressing relationship.
From the get go, her partner (let’s just call her Farah) assumed the dominant role and forced her into submission, rather than that treat her as an equal. It started with mental abuse with statements like, “you are not my type”, “I would never have opted for a person like you”, “you embarrass me”, “you need to completely transform your dressing style if you want to be with me”, “dress more feminine”, etc.
Sarah initially, went along with the demands and did indeed try and accommodate them as much as she could simply out of the fear of losing Farah, her only hope at a decent relationship. But things only got worse from then on; so much so that even in anticipation of their second date, she had her very first anxiety attack. Right from choosing the movie, choosing what to wear, getting food to eat at the theatre all such decisions became almost like life and death scenarios. To top that, mid-way through the movie Farah got publicly abusive and asked her to leave that very moment. Out of sheer embarrassment when Sarah did not leave and quietly withdrew into her phone, Farah violently snatched the phone away and began spying into Sarah’s personal details while keeping her at arm’s length, encircling her fingers around her neck. That one incident, in retrospect, Sarah feels was the first clear sign of her depraved and violently abusive nature. It should have set alarm bells ringing but out of a deep longing for companionship and being an inexperienced dater, Sarah didn’t walk out then but persisted with the relationship in the hope that maybe someday she’d win back the affection of her beloved. That she states now, was clearly the stupidest mistake of her life.
And the closer she got to Farah, the more emotional fodder Farah had on her and began blackmailing Sarah to leave home or lose her instead. Emotionally and physically traumatised at home Sarah finally left and moved to a new city with Farah. That’s when things became physically abusive and Farah’s violent streak turned completely ruthless. She would repeatedly threaten, abuse, kick and strangle Sarah to seek all sort of financial and sexual favours in return; things that stifled her and made her hate her self. She was being beaten, raped and threatened continually. The abuse continued for a very long time and Sarah felt completely at sea having left her family behind at Farah’s behest and in turn not getting any sort of support from the very person for whom she left her world behind. Anxiety and depression naturally followed. Sarah simply did not know whom to turn to or to trust and even contemplated suicide a few times, just so the pain would end.
Thankfully for her Sarah mustered the courage to make amends and move back in with her family, kicking the ‘Farah factor’ out of her life for good. Today, she has recovered beautifully and grown stronger physically, mentally and emotionally. She now knows love to be much more than just a series of abuses from a partner who doesn’t even treat you as an equal. Her life’s mission now is to educate more and more people whether LGBT or not, about the abuses and trauma one can face in a same-sex relationship. She wants to debunk the myth that all same-sex relationships are fun, frolic and picture perfect.
Fortunately for her, she lived to tell the tale of one such harrowing life experience. Now she wants her life story to be known to as many as possible, so that they may be able to recognise telltale signs of abuse from the beginning itself and muster the courage to storm out of a relationship as quickly as possible with their pride, dignity and mental health still intact.
The article was first published by sisterhood.com
Click here to read.
By Delshad Master