Orgasms seem like the easiest feat to achieve, when we first begin to learn about sex. All the eroticas, movies, shows and porn even – mislead all of us. Sure, there are some people who find reaching their climax as the simplest thing in this world. However, for most others this is definitely not the case. Not achieving an orgasm can lead many of us to self-doubt and guilt, because real life sex contradicts what is depicted in books, movies etc.
And in the case of climaxes, there are tons of myths floating around. Today we decided to burst some of the most common orgasm myths. Read on to understand what these misconceptions are and to ditch them for a wonderful sex life.
Myth 1: You will orgasm every time you have sex
Sex is usually depicted as orgasm-centric; hence it is really easy to assume there’s something not right with you if you fail to have an orgasm every time you sleep with someone.
But according to Rachel Hoffman, a sex therapist, orgasms and sex don’t always go hand in hand.
“The emphasis on an orgasm creates an abundant amount of anxiety in relationships and in sexual interactions,” Hoffman told the INSIDER. “We need to shift the focus [in sex] away from orgasm to pleasure. Many individuals might feel a great deal of pleasure but not reach orgasm.”
Masturbation and foreplay can also lead a person to orgasm. It’s not mandatory that a person should climax whenever they indulge in penetrative sex. Orgasms do not decide if the sex sessions you took part in are a success or failed attempts. It also does not mean that you aren’t experiencing any pleasure.
Myth 2: Simultaneous orgasms are mandatory
We all imagine the wegasm, the term used for simultaneous orgasm, as this loud passionate romantic event; a hundred percent sign that your partner and you are in complete sexual sync. That’s exactly what movies and other forms of media depict. Although in reality, the wegasms are not something that occur every time. If anything, they are quite rare. They definitely don’t happen because of the stars aligning says Debby Herbenick, Ph.D. Debby is the author of The Coregasm Workout, and a professor at Indiana University.
She said, “It’s usually more about one person doing everything they can to hold off a little more and then to come”, to the Women’s Health mag.
There is no need to get hung up on this idea of climaxing together.
“Simultaneous orgasm is not the holy grail,” Zimmerman told INSIDER. “It isn’t helpful to have the idea that there is one best way to share pleasure with a partner; it sets you up for disappointment and a sense of inadequacy. People vary a lot in the type of stimulation they need to get to an orgasm, and for many people that doesn’t work in the situations that would be orgasmic for their partner.”
Honestly, it might be a lot useful for some couples to please each other one at a time.
“Many people actually enjoy ‘taking turns,’ where one person at a time is the focus, and both people can focus on that individual’s pleasure,” Zimmerman told INSIDER. “If you enjoy simultaneous orgasm and it works for you, great. But if not, don’t fret. It’s all about what brings you and your partner pleasure and connection, even if it’s one at a time.”
Myth 3: Men are not capable of multiple orgasms
It’s common for all of us to assume that women are the only ones who are lucky enough to experience multiple orgasms. But this is not the case. Men have many physical limitations in regards to ejaculation, agreed. But this does not mean that men can’t experience repeated arousal peaks just like women do. Some men who have a shorter period of refraction can immediately go for round two, (or more) after considerably short intervals of time-out.
Men can experience pleasurable contractions which are exactly like an orgasm, minus the ejaculation. The trick here is to push him this close and then easing off.
Myth 4: Orgasms are a physical phenomena
For many people, orgasms are a combined act of mental and physical presence. What it means is, your partner can work really hard to stimulate for hours, but if you are mentally absent then that orgasm will never come. “There’s a huge mental component to orgasms,” said Linda Banner to the Self. Linda Banner, Ph.D is a sexual medicine specialist in San Jose, California, USA. “If your stress levels are high or if you’re distracted, anxious or frightened, it’s certainly going to have an impact on your sexual response. You’re not going to have a good time.”
Myth 5: Not having an orgasm? Then it’s your partner’s fault
Masturbation is the easiest choice when one needs to reach orgasm. You know what is the best way to push you over the edge, so never hesitate to let your partner know about these details. Sex, more than anything is a shared experience. It takes time to understand each other’s body. Honestly talking about what works for each other is the right way to ensure both experience orgasm.