By Snigdha Bansal
In a country where all things sexual are taboo and the ever repressive laws make sexual liberation increasingly difficult, no one can blame Indians for wanting to know a fair bit about how alternate sexual preferences work. However, there is a thin line between curiosity and outright misogyny, both of which can be found on display on platforms like Quora, usually by Indian men looking to find the ever so elusive Indian lesbians and bisexual women in their natural habitat.
We found a few such questions along with answers that are pure gold.
Quora Answer: They usually like to flirt with other girls. As for bi, they tend to flirt with boys as well. A common stereotype with lesbians that I’ve seen is that they have cut nails and shorter hair.
While most answers on the thread answered the question with the obvious “Ask her” and also questioned whether it was something one even needed to know, the one featured here went ahead and cleared all doubts. No need for a sign that proclaims a girl’s sexuality out loud now, you can simply look at her nails, hair and the gender of the people they tend to flirt with (the last one might get a tad confusing in case the girl is bi, though).
Quora Answer: Hitting on means
Tried to kiss you
You both felt an awkward moment
I thought for long prior to answering this question…but then decided there ain’t anything wrong in sharing my experience…even if it wasn’t ‘The Best’.
Having studied in a convent environment through out my life. I never had the company of men in the academic circles up until a certain point. All my male buddies were guys much senior to me by age and experience and they all came from different backgrounds, race and ethnicity with amazing taste and personalities.
Now…when you are ‘Straight’ but prefer to be a ‘Tomboy’…its a real problem and a threat at times too.
Problem: Girls start hitting on you because, in the absence of a male presence…they tend to look at you as a male companion even if you slightly look/dress like a man.
Threat: Some men like you as a ‘Tomboy’ and adore that…But it creates a confusion in his mind, if at all he is ready to romance a ‘Tomboy’ who looks similar to him if not same. You sometimes may be silently tagged as a ‘Lesbian’ too since you look nothing like any other ordinary female.
By the time I was a sophomore….I started to grow really fast since I worked out a lot in the gym. Given my dressing sense, looks and behaviour…I was tagged as a ‘Hunk’. A girl senior to me by 3 years, was ‘apparently’ in love with me right since the time I had joined college. Many girls would tease me and hit on me at times…but that was pure fun. But this senior indeed was serious about me and over a period in time…her behavior became intense and I had to talk to her about it.
Yes…She is a Lesbian. And I, in spite of being Straight support LGBT.
She was confused, I was considerate.
She senior to me, I junior to her.
She madly in love, I madly nervous.
It took helluva efforts on her part to come out to me and confess her love. It took helluva efforts on my part to make her understand that I am not the one who deserves her love.
Still in touch….but can never connect.
I guess, some ‘Love Stories’ remain unfulfilled.
P.S: There was no ‘Kissing’ or other PDA involved at all. She just hugged me when we parted ways…but I could not reciprocate since it was too much of an emotion for me to handle.
While the person with the question was considerate enough to specify what they meant by “hitting on” someone, tried very sincerely to answer it to the best of their ability, even adding a touch of poetry for better understanding. The plight of “tomboys” and everything they have to face really makes the reader feel for them. They concluded with a ‘good luck’ and an apology to no one in particular, and a disclaimer that put an end to all queries once and for all.
Quora Answer: It’s not about Indian girl and it only happens in hostels. Now a days it more common among girls. Reasons behind this :-
Orgasm Cycle time of lesbian is more than Straight Sex.
Lesbian sex is more about touch, feelings, intimacy, tribing , friction and many more stuffs and girls get more pleasures on those activities instead of penetration.
Lesbian sex also makes relationship among two girls strong and caring.
It is easily possible among girls if both partner are ready because getting a guy in hostel bit difficult . So, girls mostly prefer with their roommates.
There is no chance of pregnancy.
There is no virginity loss if any kind of insertion methods are not used.
This has for long been the burning question. We have all read/heard stories about the quintessential girls’ hostels, but most of us don’t know how true they are. This seasoned individual seems to know a thing or two about “lesbian girls in Indian hostels” though.
Quora Answer: Seriously there is no answer for this question because even I’m wondering how to find one. Because in India people are not so open about it. Even the ones who come out are treated disgustingly. So girls prefer staying in a shell rather than expressing their true feelings.
Plus there is no point hitting on straight girls because they will either think you are a maniac or block you no matter how close friends you really were.
I tried finding one through websites like badoo and omegle but sad! The only people you will find there will be boys pretending to be lesbian/bisexual girl desperate for sexting
Also there is no hint or straight jacket formula to know if a girl is lesbian or straight because even straight girls shows close affection and intimacy sometimes that you are the only one loosing heart thinking it to be a two-way Road.
So the question is, what should we do to find one? We can make a Google group or something like that where people like us can join and mingle. What do you people say. Just comment here or message me.
This one wastes no time and cuts straight to the chase. It’s as if they think Indian lesbian and bisexual women hide away in colonies, away from the public eye. The person who answered clearly doesn’t find their dilemma absurd, but seems to empathise with them instead. The proposal to form a Google group and embark on a Pokehunt-like search takes the cake. May I suggest writing “Finding Indian Lesbian and Bisexual Women 101”?
Quora Answer: Oh my word, no. Of course not.
You can’t even say “all women have two legs.” So saying all women are sexually attracted to both men and women is beyond silly. Sounds like either projection or wish fulfillment fantasy on your friend’s part.
Let’s overlook the sheer absurdity of the question for a second. What’s absolutely amusing here is that the person who’s answered has branded themselves an “expert in female orgasms”. Well, with a title like that, we’d be damned not to take them seriously.
Quora Answer: Well our birth gender pretty much says what we are but when I date a girl I am more masculine but when I date a guy in more feminine because that’s what they want.
Here’s how you answer an enigmatic question such as this one with an even more enigmatic answer. With a complete disregard for people who don’t identify with their birth gender, this person can apparently change their behaviour according to what their partner wants. Alas, if only we were all this talented.
While the above questions found answers (albeit not the most correct ones), there are some equally important questions out there that still lie unanswered. You might want to take a look at them.
How do we find a bisexual woman to join a couple?
How can I find a bisexual Indian woman for marriage, who is open minded about sex?
What is it like to act as a bisexual women even though you are straight?