I had mentioned why Indian gay men stay single. But many men above 30s are mostly married and live a double life. I used to feel bad for those who are married and then realised that they just took an option out of need that the situation demands.
Recently I saw a gay man, who is pretty much friends with many other gay men, posing with his fiance, and then a group photo of him with his other gay friends. To that girl, of course, they are his “Friends” and I don’t know how discreet he is, but then it was quite clear that he had decided to tie the knot. That got me thinking how things are going to fall for me, and other guys similar to him.
Men are hardly committed, or pose to be so. I know that this is pretty much obvious and I have been saying this time and time again, but this does not drive away the fact that men need some commitment in life, where the other party is committed to you, while you can fuck around, and the answer is “Women”. Men in the early ages gave “children” to women, and while they were busy tending to the children, he went to marry another woman to tend to him, who had more children and he went to the next. The same scenario here, where the guy marries, and the girl is committed to him and his children while he can fuck around with men! I am sure no man would be okay with this, and may be it works out thanks to Open relationships.
This is quite obvious too. We have a society that is hell bent on getting us married, have kids and make sure that we spend our lives for them. Though there is nothing wrong with it, we end up not choosing our lives the way we want. This makes the guys an option in life, while girls are but a compulsion. You can spend time with guys, in the closet, but outside, you have to be social, show the world that you can take care of a woman.
LGBT has no protection. We are in the shadow and we have no one whom we can complain to if things get messy. There are quite a few frauds in the community who date multiple men and get things from them, they suck your life and self worth and you can do nothing about it. You end up living in the safety of the law, when it comes to women. More than that, you have the safety of your family, your friends. You have people to whom you can go to, a huge support system. But not so in case of gay men.
A married straight couple has issues, like any couples do, you are answerable to your family, your friends, and even the law. If you have children, then you would rather co-exist for their sake. Gay relationships have NO support system. In fact, many gay friends are likely to snatch away your guy if he is handsome, or you would see that your own best friend would cheat on your guy. If something goes wrong, you have no one. You go into it thinking you have someone, and when that person itself creates issues, you end up feeling more lonely than how it all started. Without the support of your family, friends and the society, you would rather not jump into anything.
Meaning to Life
Two men, who are committed, end up living a mundane life. There is nothing more than each other’s company, especially if they don’t have a societal approval. They don’t have weddings to attend to, they don’t have family dinners they are invited to, they don’t have kids they watch growing, and parents teachers meeting to attend to. Their lifestyle becomes just parties, or friends, or hunting, in case they are in an open relationship. But, with marriage, you play the game of the society and feel that your life has a meaning.
To get a girl to say yes to sex is a huge deal, at least in India. You need to invest a lot of time for it, but with gay men, all you need is install an app. Whether you are married or in an open relationship, whether you are old, hairy, young, skinny, pot bellied, there is always someone who is ready to spread his legs for you. With women, you need to invest, and the more you invest, the more chances that you wouldn’t want to do the same for another. She takes up your time, your attention to an extent in return for even basic sexual favours. With men, you need just the app. If you are lucky, they give you the place, the time and a hassle free session. With more men growing sexually desperate, the chances of a guy investing their time and energy to you, isn’t gonna happen!
Having said all this, I don’t mean to say that gay men getting married is a solution. Unless we address the issues that gay men face, it is almost impossible to stop any guy from marriage. We can cry all we want but the guys would rather tie the knot and settle in life, than to live a life of bidding on other men.
This article was first published here.