In case you already didn’t know what the term asexuality stands for – an asexual is a person who does not experience any sexual attraction whatsoever. People who identify as asexual aren’t sexually drawn to people. They just simply don’t feel the need to act on their sexual attraction to someone.
So does it mean an asexual person never falls in love? How does a person who is NOT asexual date an ace? Let’s find out.
The Asexual Dating:
As we already know, dating is nothing but understanding each other. There is no rule that dating is filled with romance or any elements of it.
Similar to many other sexual orientations, asexuality is also a wide spectrum. How a person experiences their asexuality differs from person to person. There are individuals who identify as asexual AND aromantic – both at the same time. However, these two terms don’t mean the same at all.
The fact that several aces do experience attraction is unknown to or ignored by many. But this attraction is not sexually driven. It could be driven aesthetically, romantically or sensually. Really, no hard and fast definition that explains the various kinds of attractions aces experience.
Asexuality as a spectrum is highly misunderstood, hence dating does not come easily for them. Here are some pointers to keep in mind when you decide to pursue a relationship with an ace.
Upgrade Your Asexuality Knowledge:
For making relationships with asexual people work, it is vital to understand the asexual spectrum first. “Understand that asexuality as a sexual orientation is diverse and like all elements of sexuality exists along a continuum; some asexuals experience romantic attraction and others identify as aromantic,” said Jessica O’Reilly, a sex and relationship expert to the HuffPost Canada.
When you have an understanding of what your partner is feeling, misunderstandings and hesitations could be easily avoided.
“Relationships of all kinds can work when two people choose to love each other despite their differences; acknowledge where their differences can leave a partner with unresolved needs. And find middle ground that helps both people feel understood,” Chantal Heide said to the HuffPost Canada.
Never Pressure Your Partner:
“Don’t try to force so much from them you erode what little willingness they have,” Heide said. “Nothing kills sex like pressure, so be easy, patient, and willing to evolve with your relationship, and wait for your partner to respond.”
“Be clear about their capabilities in terms of enjoyment and stamina,” Heide continued. “Become a pro at enjoying every little bit of your sexuality together and encourage them to do the same. Sex should be fun, pleasurable, and interesting. Ensuring you’re infusing your contact with these qualities will keep your partner coming back for more.”
Asexual or not, forcing your partner only ever drives them farther away from you.
Agree To A Minimum Number Of Times You Want To Have Sex Per Week:
“Couples can agree that though one is not as sexual as the other sex can still play an important role in the sense of unity; and connection within their relationship,” Heide told.
“Coming up with a minimum number of times sex will take place can help ensure that even if sex isn’t going through one partner’s mind, it’s still being satisfactorily maintained for the other person.”
Search For Other Forms Of Intimacy:
“Remember that there are many ways to cultivate closeness aside from sex,” O’Reilly told. “Asexuals — like all people — have their individual needs, desires and boundaries. Talk about these! Share your own and support your partner’s willingness to share.”
There are plenty of ways to be intimate with your partner. For example kissing.
“Take time each day to enjoy a lingering kiss,” Heide said. “The oxytocin will make you feel warm and fuzzy towards each other; and ensure you maintain a sense of intimacy.” She even suggested trying “massages with no expectations. Shared simply for the purpose of exchanging touch as a beautiful form of intimate expression.”
And lastly, taking out time to simply gaze into your partner’s eyes can help develop a strong intimacy and connection. Along with doing this and “letting partners know exactly what’s appreciated about them on a regular basis will tickle their brain and heart; filling them with knowledge regarding the important role they play in the relationship,” Heide told.
This is pretty obvious by now. But people usually tend to forget that sexual pleasure can be totally taken into their hands. Literally. “Increasing personal masturbation will help you achieve the sexual satisfaction you long for,” Heide told.