Most men have fantasized about it, and most women have been propositioned for it: a threesome.
Threesomes are a common fantasy: according to a 2016 Archives of Sexual Behavior study, 82 percent of heterosexual men and 31 percent of heterosexual women have fantasized about having a menage a trois at one point or another. While that study didn’t specify what type of threesome people most often fantasized about, girl-girl-guy has typically been considered the gold standard of threesomes, with a separate study indicating that one in three men have fantasized about being in the middle of a two-lady sandwich. But that doesn’t necessarily mean all partners will be into it.
Image Courtesy: elitedaily.com
According to researcher Dr. Ryan Scoats of Birmingham City University, who got his Ph.D. studying threesomes, five of the 30 men he surveyed had had a threesome with a man. While that sample size is admittedly small, he told Broadly that he got the sense that while MMF threesomes would have been “more stigmatized” in the past, the men he polled “did seem comfortable telling at least their friends that they’d had an MMF threesome. I think because of the reduction of homophobia in general within society, this allows men to have these kinds of threesomes with no fear about what others are going to think of them for it.” Scoats also cited previous research supporting the idea that straight, working-class guys in the United Kingdom are increasingly participating in “emotional intimacy and physical tactility” with each other.
Did it occur to anyone else that you can just identify as bisexual and instantly get hundreds of threesome requests?
“Unicorn hunting” is where a male/female couple looking to find one person who they can permanently invite into their relationship. They form a “triad” with the couple and the three people have group sex. But the couple isn’t looking to have a threesome with just anyone. People who go “unicorn hunting” are specifically looking for a bisexual woman/man. Surprisingly, unicorn hunting isn’t a casual affair. The couple expects their “unicorn” to be both sexually and romantically exclusive. They also demand that a unicorn is attracted to them both equally and interested in only having group sex. But the couple is not looking to bring her fully into their relationship. In fact, their aim is to not let the “unicorn” come between them. Finding someone who meets all the criteria is as hard as you might imagine – hence the naming of the phenomenon after the elusive mythical creature.
The amount of times I've heard "what's the point of having a bisexual girlfriend if you won't have a threesome. You must not even be bi" https://t.co/1TUfIzSRDi
Bisexual people are often fetishized through a patriarchal lens as ‘easy’ and fodder for threesomes, of which the latter is the core premise for unicorn hunting. Recently, on dating apps, where polyamorous couples often search for unicorns, bisexual women often deal with being solicited for threesomes when they’re specifically looking to be with either a woman or a man, not a couple. Most of such soliciting occurs in ways that involve tricking or ‘catfishing’ the woman into speaking to the couple. On dating apps, the woman in the couple will present herself as a single, queer woman looking for other queer women to date. Then, they find and meet bisexual ‘unicorn’. Finally, the woman who is a part of the couple will slowly try to introduce her male partner into the equation. This would eventually lead to the couple pushing for a threesome.
“Hitting people up for threesomes isn’t a very consensual thing to do . This is unless they have specifically said in their profile that they are keen on this. In a way, unicorn hunting is also an example of biphobia, as bisexuality doesn’t immediately translate to enjoying threesomes. Also, because looking for unicorns objectifies women who date women.”
Queer women reported even more positive experiences than straight women. However, heterosexual women were the least likely to enjoy group sex experiences, among heterosexual men and women. There are differences in the desired gender ratio when it comes to threesomes: Women were more open to MMF (two males and one female) scenarios than men. Whereas, men were more open to FFM (two females and one male) scenarios than women.
Also, heterosexual men and women want to be the center of attention in a threesome. The difference between female and male interest in threesomes is due to pop culture. Pop culture traditionally pitched threesomes toward a male gaze. Researchers including Breanne Fahs and activists including Shiri Eisner have written of how TV and porn cultivate an expectation of women’s “performative bisexuality,” involving men as spectators and participants. The idea of being with two women is often exciting for a man. As per Scoats’ research, with women, many are initially intimidated by the idea of a threesome with two men. But this is only if the expectation is that the two men won’t touch. If all three are interacting sexually, women are more turned on.
What does the future hold for Threesome
The addition of a third person can put enormous strain on a relationship. Many people in the polyamorous community think that “unicorn hunting” is just a way for a man in a relationship to sleep with other women. Meanwhile, the man is safe in the knowledge that their partner is not sleeping with other men. There may be repercussions which involve one partner is enjoying the newfound freedom of polyamory more than the other. It can lead them to return to monogamy or even worse, break up. What begins as an attempt to try something new as a couple can result in the breakdown of the relationship. However, if you must try, take care of certain aspects. Always be honest with yourself. Be extremely considerate and set your own boundaries in the relationship. Finally, ensure to provide a safe space for all. This way, everyone feels welcomed.
Fifty Shades of Gay believes in a fair and equal India where everyone can achieve their full potential, irrespective of sexual orientation or gender identity.
