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Kinky Sex 101: A Beginner’s Guide To Spice Up Your Sex Life!

Kinky Sex 101: A Beginner’s Guide To Spice Up Your Sex Life!

Thanks to my best friend, I picked up Fifty Shades Of Grey by E.L James at the age of 17. The first time I read the novel, I skimmed through all the kink part; which let’s be honest constitutes ninety percent of the book. With a tap on my head from the bestie, I re-read the book – properly this time. It opened the doors to an undiscovered land of handcuffs, whips, and safe words. In a way, E.L James’s work was my personal beginner’s guide to sex and kinky sex. Ever since I’ve come to realize that kinky sex is not all glamorous as the book depicts (special thanks to porn videos). It’s definitely not something that only belongs to the Red Room Of Pain. 

Today let’s understand some basics and much-needed beginner tips for kinky sex. If you’re planning on some fun kink time with your partner, then trust me you need to take a look at this.

What Really Qualifies As Kinky Sex?

The term kink does not have a technical or medical definition. It’s usually any sexual practice or habit which does not belong to the traditional missionary. Traditional missionary involves intimate touches, cute lovey-dovey talk, eye contact, kissing, oral and penetrative sex. “Kink” itself means anything which twists away from the “straight and narrow”. However, there a few labels or categories that we all commonly across when it comes to kinky sex:

  • BDSM: The full form of this term is bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism. It can also include everything from spanking to pain pleasure.
  • Role-playing: This covers everything from fantasy talk in bed to adorning costumes. (sexy nurse, hotshot teacher, submissive waiter)
  • Fetish play: Fetishes come under kinky sex, they refer to sexual or romantic attraction to an inanimate object. It includes body parts, nonliving objects like heels, and even insects.
  • Voyeurism: Consensual voyeurism involves witnessing someone undress or have sex with consent, for example at a sex party.
  • Exhibitionism: Consensual exhibitionism is usually linked with voyeurism. But here you are the person having sex, not the one watching.
  • Group sex: Sexual acts which involve more than two people like orgies, threesomes, and sex parties.
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‘As sexual attitudes have changed, so have people’s and society’s attitudes to what is – and isn’t – conventional,’ said Elena Chancellor to the Netdoctor.  ‘For example, one person may view anal sex as kinky, while another may view it as a regular part of love-making.’ Elena is a sex blogger at Kinky Ninja.

‘What really defines a kink is how it feels to you’, she added. ‘If you and your partner are going above and beyond what you would expect as part of your ‘normal’ sexual relationship, then that defines the kink to yourselves.’

Five Important Tips For Beginners:

For newbies who wish to dip their toe in the kink waters for the first time, here are some of the most useful tips:

  1. Research: ‘Before trying out any kink, I’d recommend you to do plenty of research to make sure it’s really for you – especially so on the more extreme end of the scale,’ said Chancellor. Check out and see if there are any health-associated risks involved and come up with a  plan accordingly.
  2. Slowly Build It Up: At times kinky sex is a combination of pleasure and pain, so it’s definitely important and better to take it slow. ‘I often recommend building up to a fantasy or a fetish if you’re doing it for the first time,’ said Bloom. ‘Take baby steps and see what you do and don’t like.’
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  1. Boundaries Are Important: Informed consent is THE most important commitment before diving into kinky sex. ‘Communication is key,’ said Chancellor. ‘Talk through with your partner(s) about what you are and aren’t expecting, and any limits, before you take your new kink for a spin.’
  2. Safe Words Are A Must: Always ensure you have a way to convey ‘no’ to your partner(s) for when things become too much for you. Safewords are important in kinky sex and do not hesitate or be afraid to use them. ‘If the experience involves things being done against your will, ensure you have a recognized safe word in case things get a little carried away,’ said Chancellor.
  3. Do Not Forget After Care: It is important to check on your partner(s) that they’re okay after the act. ‘In any kink, after-care is a very important part of the experience,’ said Chancellor. ‘This is where partners reconnect their normal loving roles after a session.’

Kinky Sex Benefits:

Kinky sex could involve several important mental health benefits, improves your confidence levels and your relationship along with it. A study from Northern Illinois University said the couples that engage in consensual, positive, sadomasochistic activity have lesser cortisol levels (the stress hormone) and reported heightened and increased intimacy feelings.

‘Throughout your life, you might have fantasies or sexual thoughts that might largely go unfulfilled for a long period of time,’ Clarissa Bloom said to the Netdoctor. Bloom is a sex and dating expert at The Stag Company. ‘When you’re with someone you feel truly comfortable with, you have a golden opportunity to explore this side and find out whether it was a fleeting thought or a new passion. Exploring each other’s bodies and trying new things in the bedroom is part of getting to know each other better.’

There’s also the potential societal aspect to take into consideration; the chance to come in contact with people who have similar fantasies, Bloom continued. ‘Being able to talk openly about what turns you on without fear of judgement is an amazing experience; and the kink lifestyle has a huge community aspect,’ she said. ‘From local meet-ups to regular events, there are often things going on in each town across the UK.’

Next Read: Meet Hasheel: A Desi Queer Musician From Canada

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