The COVID-19 lockdown has not been easy for the ones who are in relationships or dating. They are forced into virtual dates and sex sessions. Instead of real dinners and movies and intimacy. Don’t be presumptuous that the pandemic is a fabulous time for the ones who are already living together. “Giving each other space”, is nothing but sitting one metre apart from each other and looking at seperate screens. Hence, monogamous relationships and dating amidst coronavirus is a whole new challenge already. Now imagine adding a third person to this equation, while in lockdown i.e. polyamorous relationships.
I know right?
New Challenges For Polygamists Due To Covid-19:
It’s a whole new list of problems and issues to face, for the ones in polyamorous relationships. For example, let’s say your poly relationship has no hierarchy. Then how to decide who do you self-isolate with? When only one of your multiple partners can be physically present, how do you make time for the rest? What will be your condition, while your partner is locked in with their other partners, and you are barely living on old nudes and robotic “you OK” messages?
Some people who are in polyamorous relationships have spoken out, on how they are dealing with these issues.
This Is How They Really Feel:
Chaele Davis is a polygamist who lives in Brooklyn. She arranged her lifestyle in this way, just to avoid making choices about who to stay with. Because of the COVID-19, she had to choose either primary or secondary partner as her quarantine buddy. The same primary partner who she has been seeing for an year now, and she recently completed four years with her secondary partner.
“But when you love two people, in a time like this, you just have to make the call,” she told to The Guardian.
“I think we are probably going to break up from the strain. I’ve been distant with them lately and unable to process what the fuck is going on in the world. And as I’ve started a new relationship with someone who lives five minutes away from me IRL, they’ve become jealous or just upset since I’m going on social distancing walks after dark with my new partner”, told Ame to Vice. “It’s kind of fucked up, really. They view me as putting more effort into the new relationship as my communication has been kind of less, but it just feels overwhelming to talk online a lot at the minute. And my new relationship has been hard as fuck, too. We were friends for two years and just started dating two weeks before lockdown”.
“It’s actually been okay! I live with my primary partner, while my other partner also lives with their primary partner. My partner also started seeing someone a month or so before lockdown, so they’re in contact too. We sustain our other relationships by making sure that we have regular phone conversations and keeping up that vital communication and intimacy. Just like pre-lockdown, it’s about making sure that each person feels valued”, said Rory to Vice.
“I do miss being physical with my other boyfriend, but it’s more important that each of us stay safe, so that’s going to have to wait. We regularly remind each other that this isn’t going to last forever and for now we are just valuing all this extra time we have with the partner’s we live with. For us, there hasn’t been any strain to our situation, we’re all pretty relaxed and used to being communicative if or when any issues arise”.
This Is How You Can Save Your Polyamorous Relationship:
Rachel Wright, a polyamorous and also a relationship expert from New York City. In a conversation with Insider, she spoke how she modified her dating ways, to control the coronavirus spread.
“It’s no question that social distancing and polyamory are very challenging to pair together,” Wright said to Insider. “Setting up in person first dates are on-hold for me because I’m committed to stopping the spread of this and doing whatever I can to help.”
Rachel gave some important tips on how to save your poly relationship –
Talk about what your partners’ needs are while in self isolation:
“Everyone has different needs, wants, and concerns during times like this – especially since this is completely unprecedented in our lifetimes,” said Wright. “We have to communicate with each other about what we’re feeling, thinking, needing, and wanting — and ask the people we care about how they’re doing, what they’re feeling, thinking, needing, and wanting.”
Make profound use of technology to always stay connected:
“We can’t rely on physical attraction or chemistry to maintain a relationship,” told Rachel. “It’s important to build an emotional, psychological and cognitive connection as well as a physical, so while I can’t meet up with people right now, there’s definitely time and space to meet new people online and connect with them via text or video chat.”
Schedule calls and set rules, if you and your partner are living with other partners:
“One of the biggest challenges in all of this is having multiple partners but being in quarantine with one of them,” Wright told. “It’s new territory to maintain these relationships without any physical contact and while in the same apartment and living space, constantly, as the partner you live with.”
According to Right, setting boundaries regarding the dates and time for the partner not living with you is very important. This will help you enforce clear rules on how dating many partners will happen, without needing to maintain physical distance from the other partner.
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