For mothers raising LGBTQ+ children, they go on a unique path with societal biases and personal doubts. For mothers raising LGBTQ+ children, this journey takes on a unique and sometimes challenging path, fraught with societal biases and personal doubts. However, their resilience, courage, and open-heartedness shine through, creating a beautiful tapestry of acceptance and celebration. As we honor Mother’s Day, we celebrate these incredible women who have embraced their children’s identities with open arms, reminding us that a mother’s love knows no bounds.
Fifty Shades of Gay collaborated with ‘Sweekar: The Rainbow Parents’ – a group formed by rainbow parents of Indian LGBTQ+ children to support accepting one’s child fully. Together, we brought forth the heartwarming journeys of real Indian mothers and parents who have embraced their LGBTQIA+ children with unconditional love.
Meet the Moms
Meghna Kulkarni, 50 years young, and her spouse Prasanna are parents to 24-year-old Shreesh, who is queer and non-binary, and 19-year-old Rit, who is trans-masculine and non-binary. They live in an extended family with Meghna’s 90-year-old father-in-law and 60-year-old brother-in-law in Mumbai, where they are Kannadigas.
Meghana Kulkarni, with Rit and Shreesh.
Naina is 47 year old medical professional. She is from Mumbai, and is a mother to a child who identifies as a transman.
Shilpi Rastogi is a compassionate individual who loves to travel, make new friends, and help people. In her family, Simran’s husband is a consultant, and her child, Stan, identifies as trans-masculine and is pursuing a B.A. (Hons).
Shipli Rastogi and Stan
Dr. Simran, is a retired Principal, from Maharashtra. Her family consists of her son, who identifies as bisexual, and her late husband who was a well-known social worker.
Padma Iyer, a 66-year-old homemaker from Mumbai, is the mother of 45-year-old Harish Iyer, a renowned Equal Rights Activist. Harish first came out to her as a survivor of CSA (Childhood Sexual Abuse) and later as gay. Padma has accompanied Harish everywhere, as she could see him blossoming in her presence. She currently lives with her husband, 93-year-old mother, and Harish.
Padma Iyer and Harish Iyer
The coming out story:
“I realised quite early that my children are neurodivergent. Shreesh is autistic and Rit has ADHD and Bipolar Disorder. However, it was Rit who told us about their queerness when they were 15. I had mixed feelings. But Rit, the old soul that they are, took me through their journey very smoothly and gradually.” – Meghana Kulkarni
“It came as a complete shock when my child told me he is a transman. Didn’t even know what it meant. Was totally confused and upset for a few months. Took me a while to accept.” – Naina, medical professional from Mumbai. (real names have been hidden to protect identity).
“When we understood that Stan is trans, I feared about his safety in our Indian Society. For us it was a journey of discovery and acceptance rather than a single moment of revelation.” – Shilpi Rastogi
“We accepted it without any problems. But when he came out to us, he was not in India. He was in the USA. He wrote a descriptive letter to us and explained his story in detail. We called him and assured him that we were with him. My husband was upset but I told him it’s natural. It’s not a health problem. We cried a little, but after that things got better” – Dr Simran
Navigating Emotions & Questions
“Navigation, in this case, is a two-way communication process. And we as a family, are always sharing our thoughts and views openly with each other. Here, it was Rit who began the conversation. And it’s still going on.” – Meghana Kulkarni
“My family especially my mother helped me a lot with the acceptance. It has been a difficult 4 years since his coming out. Still going through a gamut of emotions as we are now going through gender reassignment surgeries.” – Naina
“For me, it was a path to learn and talk to my child. Stan taught me a lot of things about being trans. His self acceptance helped me in getting back to a normal life where I didn’t plan everything around him.” – Shilpi Rastogi
“I had accepted him readily but was afraid of the family accepting him…I wanted Harish to keep it a secret between us….but that was not what he aspired…..he was out in the newspaper and on national television. I thought – when my son who has gone through abuse and is facing so much challenges in life – can come out as a winner, then I can’t be a coward. My son’s happiness is most important to me….with these sentiments, I forged ahead and am here today” – Padma Iyer
Change in relationship after coming out
“We are closer than before, more respect than before. I salute their efforts, in taking steps, in being out there and supporting their community members.” – Meghana Kulkarni
“Our relationship has had it’s ups and downs but overall I feel we have become closer. We share a lot of emotional traits and try to help each other as much as possible.” – Naina
“Stan became the teacher and we became pupils. We learnt things from different sources and discussed. Our bond has strengthened so much that Stan and I share everything with each other from makeup to mental health, recipes to politics, LGBTQA community struggles to financial services.” – Shilpi Rastogi
“No. We are good friends, and we are very close with each other. We are open minded.” – Dr Simran
Raising an LGBTQIA+ Child
“I see the world very differently now. The world has always been diverse. It needs to be more inclusive. Our efforts as members of Sweekar, the Rainbow Parents are towards making our society an empathetic and caring world for LGBTQIA+ individuals.” – Meghana Kulkarni
“I now look at people with a little more empathy. Try and understand how life must have been from their point of view. I try my best to not be judgmental and also to support the kids in the community.” – Naina
“I have learnt to embrace diversity in so many ways. Even though world is a difficult place for LGBTQA+ people still I have come to know so many non judgmental, affectionate and beautiful souls and have learnt to give love and affection freely to so many children. It has humbled me to see how much these children suffer.” – Shilpi Rastogi
A message to moms and parents out there
“It will be difficult, initially but when you walk along with your child, in their journey, it will be comfortable for your child. Having an LGBTQIA+ child is not abnormal or an anomaly. It’s your child after all. With love from you, they will blossom into a caring individual and a responsible citizen. Isn’t that what we want?” – Meghana Kulkarni
“Be there for your child. Nothing else matters.” – Naina
“Being a rainbow parent is the best opportunity a person can be blessed with. So believe in your child and love them unconditionally. If you are with your child… Nothing can defeat them.” – Shilpi Rastogi