September 16, 2020
Breaking things off, for good or bad, with anyone is a tough task. Honestly, it’s so hard, that most people literally have no clue how to get it done. Instead of being frank and upfront, they “fade out” or “ghost you.” They’ll take longer time to respond to your messages; until one day they just stop replying back. Or they’ll use the excuse of ‘always super busy’; to even just reply with a “I’m busy ttyl.”
However, there are a few not-so-evident ways to gradually ghost someone. Or in a very indirect way, “I’m not looking for anything as serious as you are at the moment.” Although at times, it gets pretty hard to figure out if they’re actually busy or just trying to reduce the speed of your relationship.
Recognizing all the signs that a person you’re dating or seeing only wants to keep things as casual as possible is always good for you and your partner. That will avoid all the unnecessary work you’ll have to put in from your end – for a committed relationship. This way both of you are on the same page.
So here are some signs to recognize if they’re not on the same page as you are when it comes to commitment.
They’ve made it pretty clear from the beginning they want things to be only casual:
It does sound pretty obvious. So, when someone says to you that they’re looking for a casual relationship only – it’s a very good sign. Since, they actually know what they want and said what they meant to you.
“As a therapist, I will have young women in my practice showing me screenshots of texts and DMs, and Instagram stories all trying to get me to decipher what the guy they are hooking up with is doing: ‘Is he dating someone else? Does he love me,’” Dr. Caroline Madden, PhD said to the INSIDER. Madden is a relationship expert and an author. “I’ll remind them ‘in the beginning he told you he didn’t want a relationship’ but they will keep looking and looking at why they aren’t ‘good enough’ for the guy they are dating. Why doesn’t he want to commit? It seems like a no-brainer, but listen to someone when they tell you they aren’t looking for a relationship.”
You might not want to believe it. But if they voice it out that they aren’t interested in anything serious at the moment, then you should trust them.
They very rarely, probably never, plan deep meaningful dates:
If this person you are seeing never takes the initiative or time to plan fun, meaningful dates – this is a very clear indication. They are definitely not interested in anything serious. If this is the case and you probably were hoping for something more serious, it’s time to have a clear conversation regarding where you two stand about this relationship.
“Communication is the key! I recommend individuals share what they want and what they are looking for in the outset and seek these things behaviorally in potential mates,” said leshai T. Bailey, CMHC, LMHC, CST to the INSIDER. Bailey is a licensed mental health counselor. This way, any confusion regarding what you both need or want from this relationship won’t exist.
They stay away from conversations that are deep:
There’s no hard and fast rule that every relationship has to be serious or meaningful or deep. But, it is pretty given that you should be able to have such deep conversations with the person you’re with.
“If the person you are dating wants to keep things light, he or she might not be ready to invest any wasted emotions on a causal relationship,” said Latasha Matthews, LPC, CPCS, CPLC, CAMS. Matthews is an individual, couples, and family therapist.
Not only this, but your partner might be trying to maintain their emotional distance. If at all you find yourself having many serious conversations, then there’s a high chance you’re getting attached to this person. And if this person you’re seeing is not interested in that kind of attachment, then keeping things light is the best option.
Your relationship is mostly only about particular activities:
Are you doing only certain things with this person you’re seeing? Or are you only seeing them at specific places? This is a clear sign that they’re only interested in nothing more than a casual thing. Definitely nothing long term.
“Typically, as relationships grow and develop, they expand to include new aspects of each partner’s life,” therapist Daniel Olavarria, LCSW, said to INSIDER. “If that is not happening, it may be a sign that your partner is interested in keeping things casual and limited to the existing structure.”
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