There are a set of things, actually a whole lot of things that are offensive, you can’t ask or tell queer people. In the same way, there are certain stuff you can never tell or joke around about when it comes to lesbian couples. Yes, yes some of you unintentionally say things which might end up sounding as mean to people. Here’s a list of all such stuff you can NOT say around lesbians who are in love. Take a look!
1) “So Which One Of You Is The Man/Woman?”
Or wife or husband. Obviously queer folk model the structure of their relationships based on straight ones. Because there are only two options duh – gender roles as a man and woman. Damn, plenty of lesbian couples get this asked. Is it to hard to imagine a life without ‘gender roles’ ?
Also, neither of them is a man. That’s kinda like the whole freaking point.
2)”You two look exactly like sisters.”
Well, we definitely aren’t.
When you question if two girls are sisters, you’re not only rubbing your perception of their gender identity on them, but you’re also solidifying the ancient norm that relationships must and should have one woman and a man. What if one of them or both of them don’t identify as women? Then your question is definitely offensive.
Give it a thought. In case you’re under the false impression that two girls can be so close only if they’re sisters, you’re falling into the heteronormative pit again.
3)”But Have You Ever Actually Been With A Man/Woman?”
First of all it’s not any of your business. Second, while posing this question, you are actually asking them – have you ever dated someone with different genitals than yours? The best answer to this question would be to paraphrase Gia: “Yeah, once…and I could have done that with a German Shepard.” Ladies, just throw this line at someone who bothers you with such questions. Just wait for the reaction on this nosy jerk’s face. Trust me, it’ll be worth it.
But, there is actually a term for women who never once dated a man – gold star lesbian. They are however, very rare. Not very surprising, but many women-loving-women, for plenty reasons, have hit the bed with a man or two. It’s the same case with many gay men as well. Regardless, their sexual history is none of your business.
4)”You guys are my favorite lesbian couple ever!”
This one is supposed to come across as sweet. And it honestly has good intentions behind it as well, like come on, we all want to be #relationshipgoals. The problem is however, you’re not only saying that they’re the perfect couple. Basically, you’re also saying that they’re the only queer women you know.
Everyone want to be their own power couple, in their own way. Just say that you’re their favorites. And let them revel in their perfection.
5)“Do You Guys Scissor?”
Again, none of your business. But there are queer women who don’t believe in scissoring at all and there are ladies who are completely into it. Some queer lady couples scissor and some just do not. Honestly, there are plenty of other ways lesbians can have sex. At the end of the day, what they do in their private closed door space should not matter to you right?
This also applies to “how about strap ons, do you use them as well?”.
6)”Can I Join?”
Wow! How the hell did you know that’s exactly what they wanted? Every time a woman who loves women gets a penny for all the times they’ve been asked this; they can pay off all their loans and monthly bills.
No, but on a serious note, obviously they don’t want to have sex with you. What were you hoping for you pervert? A threesome with the lesbian couple? Your porn fantasy finally coming true? Gosh, an extra penny for everyone who plays it off as a joke. Grow up y’all. Stop harassing queer folk like this.
7) Anything You Wouldn’t Say To A Straight Couple
Finally and seriously though. If you can’t ever imagine asking something to a straight couple, then you should definitely consider not asking them to queer couples. If it’s not appropriate to straight couples, then it’s not appropriate for queer couples as well. Just keep in mind, queer folk are humans too. They have feelings too. You just can’t ask or say what comes to your mind and expect them to be OKAY with it.