September 16, 2020
Up until the 2000s, youth in their early twenties were falling in love, tying the knot and popping out babies. For our previous generations, and the generations before them – people single in their twenties was unheard of. The ones who stayed unmarried or single throughout their early and mid twenties were a rare occurrence.
This however has changed, and most of us experience a decade long of singlehood – marked with casual or serious relationships here and there. We, want to swim in the dating pool, navigate our way through it before settling down forever.
The idea of singlehood is sad and tragic and boring – agreed. But it is also something to be appreciated since it allows youngsters to focus on personal development. Go on various adventures to find and explore themselves. Understand their ideologies, beliefs, values completely – before tying the knot and sharing them with someone.
On that note, today let’s go through some lessons to always remember when you are dating in your twenties.
Why is settling in twenties not a great idea?
Many youngsters will agree that twenties are not the right age to get into a committed relationship or married. This is because relationships contradict the basic individualistic idea that “you should be the one who makes you happy, not anyone else”.
“There’s this idea now that identity is built independent of relationships, not within them,” said a psychologist Leslie Bell. “So only once you’re ‘complete’ as an adult can you be in a relationship.”
The “love yourself first, before you love someone else” notion has gained fame in the recent times. Which, to be honest makes sense. If you can’t seem to fall in love with who you are – as a person – then how can you expect anyone else to do the same? You need love and acceptance from your partner – not pity and sympathy.
Things to keep a note of while dating in your 20s:
1.Less obsession = more happiness:
This has happened with almost everyone. We tend to share every tiny little detail about the new person we’re dating with our best buddies. Sometimes it is better to hold back from obsessing over what each message meant, with your buddies. All that leads to is unhappiness, self doubt, confusion and more doubts.
If you are truly, really happy then you will not feel the need to share the same details with a bunch of people – in order to prove that you’re happy.
2. Don’t forget your friends:
It’s a common norm that friends who are in a serious relationship fail to keep in touch – definitely not like before they fell in love. You don’t hear much from them, and some are worse – don’t even reply to texts. I mean we get it, new relationship, getting to know each other, busy life yada yada. But totally ghosting on your friends? Not fair to them at all. Balance it all people.
3. No need to compromise when it comes to sex:
The basics to cover when it comes to how well you will work as a pair are: sex drive and chemistry. Of course there are some things to compromise when it comes to sex. May be the kink that your partner wants to try does not excite you as much. And that’s okay, you both can slowly get into role plays and erotic fantasies.
Here’s the thing though, if your partner does not push you up against a wall and start kissing the daylights out of you by month one, then there is a possibility that it might never happen. You might find ways to orgasm, but all your toe curling fantasies are something you should never compromise on. Don’t expect for them to naturally happen sometime down the road. Try to spot it in the beginning of your relationship, and gently slide in your ideas of sex to your partner. Open communication is important. Giving up on spontaneous dynamics is not fair to YOU.
4. Your gut usually speaks the truth:
Honestly, some of the epic mistakes of my life are because of me turning a blind eye to my intuition. The best suggestion is to always listen to your gut. That bitch gives you honest opinions, no matter how harsh they are. And it’s obviously smarter than you are.
First dates can go either of these two ways – they leave a blush and a smile on your face or…..they leave you bored to death. If things feel ‘off’ in date #1, then that will be the mood for the entire period of your relationship. Don’t think things will escalate for the better. That stuff is for the books and movies.
Ignoring such red flags might end up you in dating someone who doesn’t make you happy (ex: an abuser). So, always listen to your inner self.
5. Breakups don’t imply you are a failure:
It’s simple people. Humans outgrow each other and that’s absolutely OKAY. It’s even required that you do. Breakups do not mean you’re a failure. It means that you are brave enough to accept your feelings. Also, you know well about yourself, and understand your feelings better. And finally, that you still are figuring out what you need.
We all choose different kinds of people to date, at different stages of our life. High school, college, work. We don’t ever want to go one phase back, once it’s over. At every break up we learn new things about life and it’s usually termed as growing up. It is essential that it happens and that’s ok.
Finally what you need to remember is always love yourself. Be confident in what you are, love every damn detail about you and own your flaws like the boss you are. That’s when you drive away all your demons, insecurities and are truly happy from the inside.