Things Asexuals Wish People Would Stop Saying

Things Asexuals Wish People Would Stop Saying

With almost all facets of society being underrepresented in our community, asexuals are frequently demonized. Asexuals are stereotyped as crazy, emotionless villains, and other negative things. Asexuality is often misunderstood as celibacy, dislike of sex, hatred of the opposite sex, etc. The asexual community still needs to be widely publicized in order to get the respect and understanding that they deserve.  

People do not discuss asexuals and don’t understand what asexuality actually means, so they deride it to a point where people have their own interpretations and stereotypes of what it is. You probably don’t hear much about them in the media. Asexuals have received their fair share of ignorant comments and queries because asexuality is so poorly underrepresented in the public domain. It is as natural for an asexual to be unable to sense a sexual attraction or to not desire sex as it is for a heterosexual to desire the opposing sex or a queer to desire the same sex. There is nothing biologically wrong with asexuals; it is just how they are born.  

Even folks with the greatest of intentions occasionally say things like, “You just haven’t met the right one yet,” and other such absurd things. Here are some things that Asexuals are tired of hearing: 

“You haven’t found the right person yet” 
People are frequently told it when they first come out of the closet. This blatantly ignores a person’s emotions and sexual orientation. Sexual orientation has no bearing on whether or not one finds the proper partner. If it is repeated to them often, they might start to wonder why and how they feel. 

“There is no such thing called as ‘asexuality’” 
This frequently stems from ignorance. Sexual orientation includes asexuality. Asexual people are those who do not feel sexual attraction, according to AVEN (Asexuality Visibility and Education Network). There are many asexuals in the world who serve as living proof and there is a lot of research that may be studied to learn more about asexuality. 

“You are just celibate” 
One of the most prevalent techniques to suppress the emotions of asexual people is through this. Asexuality and celibacy are unrelated. Asexuality is a sexual inclination, whereas celibacy is voluntarily refraining from having sex. It is disrespectful to both celibates and asexuals to compare the two. 

“How do you know if you haven’t tried it?” 
Asexual people are frequently informed this and asked to engage in sexual activity at least once or twice. If an asexual person has ever had sex, they are further gaslighted by being advised to try having sex with someone else/more frequently because they may have had awful sex. One can determine their sexual orientation without having any sex. 

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“How can you still feel attracted to others?” 
Romantic or aesthetic attraction are different from sexual attraction. Asexuals are attracted to romantic and aesthetic things (unless they are aromantic-asexuals). People who are not sexually attracted to others can nonetheless form relationships. Many happily married or in relationships with the people they adore are asexual. 

“So, you hate sex?” 
Being sexually indifferent is not the same as detesting sex. The asexual population is not against sex. Simply put, they are not attracted to anyone sexually. Some of them opt not to have sex because they find it repulsive, while others choose to have intercourse while others masturbate. Another common myth about asexuals is that they despise the other sex. 

“You can’t be asexual if you wear such clothes” 
Being asexual has nothing to do with your clothing, the jokes you tell, or how you act, contrary to misconceptions that asexuals must be “prudish,” “ugly according to beauty standards,” or “shy geeks.” 

“So, you will never get married?” 
People who identify as asexual are frequently told they would never be able to get married or that they will remain single their entire lives. Not all marriages are built on sex. It has nothing to do with their desire to get married that some asexual people engage in sex while others do not. 

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“A is for ally” 
The “A” in LGBTQIA+ stands for numerous identities, including asexual and aromantic identities. Because there is only one, “A” asexual and aromantic people are essentially pitted against one another in order to compete for recognition. However, the A does NOT stand for Ally. 

“You’ll find that person one day” 
Yes, there’s no doubt that a lot of Asexuals will find someone—or a lot of people—to share their lives with, but this rarely involves ever being in love. There are romantic partnerships among certain Asexuals as well. Some asexuals may eventually feel romantic attraction, but claiming that they will in a pitiful tone won’t help. On the basis of little more than a 1950s ideal, it tries to pressure people into partnerships they don’t need or want. When their ideal of perfection has only changed from a cis man married to a cis woman with children to two cis women married with children, they can’t claim to be progressive. That is hardly advancement. 

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